With everyone sitting at home, in the midst of this pandemic, I can understand how difficult it has been to adapt to this new lifestyle…how challenging it is to generate optimism…how confusing it is to find a purpose for ourselves. So, I thought to revive our this dormant blog “The Floating Thoughts” and use it for what it was created in the first place: Share our thoughts floating in our heart and mind.

What is freedom?
It is the sound of your toe when it taps on the floor while your body swirls in perfect rhythm to the music that plays in your ears. It is the fragrance of the fresh air that explodes on your face when you open the window. It is the involuntary abrupt smile that adorns your emotions when scrolling through your phone gallery photos. It is the silent prayer that you say to the universe before you fall asleep. It is the image of your lover that flashes in front of your eyes the moment you feel lonely. It is something of everything. It is the whole of your fast-paced life bouncing at you with slow-steps. It is the most precious gift you possess yet fail to acknowledge. It is what you need to feel from within your heart yet you wander in your mind aimlessly in search for it. It is in every episode of fleeting happiness and in all moments of prolonged sadness. It is philosophical and technical at the same time… is love and hatred blended together…is courage and fear mixed in one…is cries in laughter and vice versa. It is the only constant in the cycle of life and death.

Yet, we lock ourselves with all the things that are insignificant in front of such a beautiful gift.

This is exactly what Neil felt when he saw her as she walked past him, pushing aside from her face, those curly frizzles of her hair, that rampantly kept disobeying her only to stay a little bit longer over those smooth glistening freckles adorned cheeks. She was like a whiff of cool rowdy breeze that leaves you wondering about the comfortable safe space, wherein you have been hiding. For a flick of a second, their eyes met and he saw his reflection mocking at him while holding the checklist of his grand life plan.

Haven’t we all have made our own invisible checklist in our mind and a deadline for each one of them? 

But she was different; She paused suddenly while being a few steps ahead of him, her back faced towards Neil and her head bent as if contemplating something. They stood on a narrow bridge, with a few feet of separation between them. The morning walks had been a ritual for Neil just to clear his head so that he can inundate himself in all the materialistic targets of the day to carve a path for his freedom that he was desperately searching for. Never did he meet anyone in his trail of regular run, only because it was always pre-dawn when Neil started off his day so that to spare some extra time for writing his blog; the one thing that made him remember the taste of freedom. Now, it was her face that pushed in him the same feeling but with an amplified version.

She turned her head sideways and Neil could see a trickle of tear wetting a column of freckles before falling on the asphalt. It was not that she was sad or happy. It was a look of determination; as if someone who has lived all the possible phases of life and tasted every imaginable experience. It was a devotion to break-free from the worldly elements that can hinge you.

The pashmina stole neck wrap fluttered in the winds towards the direction to the railings of the bridge; the same direction to which her head was turned and her eyes transfixed. Neil froze to his place; He might have guessed what was supposed to happen next and maybe you also have figured it out and must be rushing to read the end. This curiosity to know the end, the impatience to rush to the conclusion always gets in the way to undergo the ebbs and flow of the process. Yet he was no exception and neither are you. Isn’t it an irony that saying no option makes it sound as if we don’t have the freedom anymore !

Neil stepped slowly towards her. He did not want to scare her. He wanted to talk to her and convince her. He anxiously looked around, secretly shouting for someone to be there to help him to change her mind. It is so funny that at the most crucial moment, the most intelligent part of our body; the brain; seems to take a vacation and all we are left with the silly emotion-raked heart. You may keep thinking not to panic in a daunting silence yet there is never a complete silence since the beats of your heart reach to your senses unhindered, making you realise how fragile your life plan was and how in a moment everything could change. Neil’s breathing intensified and he felt chocked, gasping for every bit of available air.

But wait, why was Neil choking? Why was he so distressed? What happened to the girl? When Neil turned his focus back, in front of him, all he found was the barrelling river lapping against the rocks on its way, as it flowed uncontrolled below the bridge. Neil found himself standing over the railings of the bridge. He looked back, searching for the girl he saw few seconds ago yet he saw the empty asphalt of the bridge looking back at him under the emerging nascent rays of the sun. He peeked below in the river but only saw the lapping of the waves that raced one another. Confused and shaken of how he got on those railings, he regained his sense and stepped down from the edge to the pathway of the bridge. He scurried ahead to the end of the road while shouting for her, “Oyyyyyye” but it was just the silence of the trail that echoed his voice.

and then as the sun rose from the horizon, Neil felt a shiver down his body. In a moment he realised what he just experienced and also knew no one would ever believe him. He understood fully the gravity of the situation and the seriousness of his actions that followed. Holding the railings, he closed his eyes as a trickle of tear traced the freckles of his face and fell on the asphalt.

She was no one but HIS INNER FREEDOM! It was he who in the burden of proving himself to the world and following the deadlines had been punishing himself to push beyond his limits. His only mistake was that he was stretching the wrong boundaries, one that caused his breakdown. The time was perfect; the pre-dawn run as usual; no one will be around to stop him; his body will flow to the abyss of the waterfall and just like that he would cease to exist. Yet his heart knew that laden and buried under the weight of his own prison he had forgotten how freedom looked. And so just at the right moment when he was about to destroy his world, with one jolt and with a beat, the heart personified his freedom. He fell in love with it instantly. He was scared for her. He looked around for someone and something to save her. But all this while he didn’t realise that he was saving himself. And just like that everything changed for him forever! the freedom was no more just a faint memory for him but a reckoning truth.

Freedom! one word yet many faces…some illusions some real.
Do you want to wait to acknowledge it until it is too late to get a grasp of it?
Do you want to let go of the only gift that makes you feel alive?
Do you want to be just another Neil, who in the rush to find freedom ultimately forgot about what he was searching for in the first place?

maybe sit back and close your eyes and then hopefully your heart will make you remember with the ebbs and flow of your life.

Share your Quiet thoughts and spread the love.

Be Strong. Be Safe. Do Epic.

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